I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
