all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
