I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
