Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
