New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
