Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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