Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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