i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
