i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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