I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
