He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
