yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
