he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
