last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there was a trapeze. enough said
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want to make out with him forever
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
