Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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