Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
