I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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