Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
