just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
