What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
