i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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