If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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