Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
