We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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