I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
