did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
