Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What a dumb baby whore.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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