...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
how does that bad decision feel?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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