I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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