i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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