if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ladies don't puke and tell
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
