oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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