kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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