physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
