My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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