I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
