Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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