And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
