I think im going to throw up on grandma
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
