i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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