hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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