Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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