Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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