I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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