Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize