somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
home. puking in laundry basket.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
