If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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