Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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