she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
