ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
