i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
