Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
