Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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