She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
