She's JV to your varsity
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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