Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
