i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
