He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
