chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
