I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
