id be glad to
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
