they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
