I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
