so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
